Chairman Gensler Hurt that Sam Bankman-Fried Bribed Bahamian Regulators Instead of Him

NEW YORK - Upon learning the news that the Securities Commission of the Bahamas (SCB) had ordered the transfer of digital assets of FTX Digital Markets (FDM) to a crypto wallet owned by the commission on Nov. 12, SEC Chairman Gensler was described by colleagues as heartbroken.

“I thought Sam Bankman-Fried and I had a special bond,” an emotional Chairman Gensler noted to reporters, before continuing, “but then SBF goes and pays off Chairman Adderley of the Securities Commission of the Bahamas instead of me, like this bond we built meant nothing!”

In a statement given on November 17th, the SCB noted it used its power as a regulator acting under the authority of a Court order to move FTX’s assets to a “digital wallet controlled by the Commission, for safekeeping.”

Some industry experts have expressed concern that SBF might be able to avoid extradition to the United States by in a sense bribing the SCB.

The SCB pushed back on such concerns by writing that “urgent interim regulatory action was necessary to protect the interests of clients and creditors of FDM.”

Sources close to Chairman Gensler noted that he could be seen in his office ripping out pages from a notebook in which he had previously written “Gary & Sam <3 XOXO” in girly handwriting across multiple pages.

“I just wish Sam had trusted that we could work through this,'' a distraught Chairman Gensler exclaimed before adding, “there’s no scam or ponzi that a large donation to a presidential campaign couldn’t solve.”

The FTX bankruptcy fiasco has continued to play out over the last week. On Nov. 17, an emergency motion by FTX Trading Limited was filed that posited that all relevant bankruptcy proceedings should take place in the Delaware-based Bankruptcy Court in order to “end the chaos and to ensure that assets can be secured and marshalled in an orderly process.”

But to Chairman Gensler it’s about more than just bribes or arguments over jurisdictions, “Sam could have trusted the strength of our relationship & that I would have just distracted people by going after Tom Brady or maybe starting enforcement action against some random ICO project from 2017” Mr. Gensler stated, “but it’s clear the same level of commitment wasn’t there for Sam, I wish we could have worked things out.”